Tag: chronic illness

Hello Beautiful souls, I’ve been quiet for a while, spending more time on an inner journey than an outward exploration. 

When you’ve been through a big moment in your life, it changes you. I know we all know this, but do we remember this for others. People remember you as you were before, and there’s a popular perception that once the event, trauma, birth, illness, death, etc…..is over, it’s business as usual. You look strong, your hair grows back, your back in the community albeit in small ways – so you must be back to how you were before. 

The thing is, you never go back to how you were before. 

Life changes us, in small and big ways – daily. I’m feeling like we need to give eachother more space to grow and evolve, and relate to one another with this understanding. Try not to put people in a box that fits so tightly there’s no room for growth.

I find there’s often a tendency to compare life to how it was before an event, wanting things to go back to “normal”. What is normal anyways? I’ve always wondered that, what is normal, the term doesn’t even fit in my vocabulary anymore. 

I have needed to be on here less, as chemo and the surgery I had on my spine over a year ago has left me with some invisible physical and mental challenges. I’m not going to dive into explaining what those are, but I wanted to acknowledge that they exist. Yes, I survived this bout of cancer and the treatments cancer gave me the opportunity to experience to help me to heal – AND I find myself now learning to live with the ongoing effects of those treatments, a new awareness of my mortality, heightened gratitude, a very different experience of changing energy levels and the reality that I am now navigating life with a blood cancer. 

Honouring it all.

I am living a life of truth, satya – the truth of who and where I am. I wonder what your truth is. I know I’m not alone, and neither are you. 

I choose life, everyday, and somedays it’s really difficult. 

There is a poem I’m reminded of as I write these words. It came to me in the hospital from a dear friend when I was first diagnosed with cancer, and I proceeded to send it out to a circle of support in the hopes of shedding some light on how I was. Now, a year and a half later, I think I actually only now understand the words. I’m going to share this with you (I may have already), as it feels pretty resonant.

For When People Ask

I want a word that means

   okay and not okay,

     a word that means

devastated and stunned with joy.

   I want the word that says

     I feel it all, all at once.

The heart is not like a songbird

   singing only one note at a time,

     more like a Tuvan throat singer

able to sing both a drone

   and simultaneously

     two or three harmonics high above it—

a sound, the Tuvans say,

   that gives the impression

     of wind swirling among rocks.

The heart understands the swirl,

   how the churning of opposite feelings

     weaves through us like an insistent breeze,

leads us wordlessly deeper into ourselves,

   blesses us with paradox

     so we might walk more openly

into this world so rife with devastation,

   this world so ripe with joy.

Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

This humaning journey definitly blesses us with paradox, everyday, and I think it’s not about making sense of it all, but instead taking care of yourself in the midst of it – regardless of anyone else’s idea of who they think you are or what you need. I encourage you to try different things to help you find your way to be able to step more deeply into yourself in whatever way that needs to be for you..

For almost 20 years I dedicated my massage and hands on healing practice to working with folks with cancer, trauma, and chronic illness. Maybe this was a crucial step in my training – moving through this experience so that I could truly understand, and honouring a new pace to open my life to a more meaningful moment to moment experience. I look forward to engaging in this work with a new perspective. 

I’m writing this piece as I’ve been blocked in my writing. I needed to acknowledge the truth of where I am before I could actually take steps forward for myself, this is part of my process. It’s not “business as usual”, but rather a new way forward. I’m taking my time easing back into my life’s work, AND continuing the dance with my own healing journey – a dance that will be joining me for as long as I am. 

Our community has been incredible, and I would not have survived this past year without all of you. I just needed to honour this gratitude again, and again and again! I’m so excited to see where this life takes me, and where we can go together.

I’m slowly starting back to work as you may have noticed in recent updates; classes I’m facilitating and sessions I’m slowly offering. It’s been amazing doing hands on massage therapy and sound healing work with folks again (with limited bookings), especially in this healing forest that has been holding me too. There’s a reason me and my family have landed here on this sacred land – not only to care for the earth, but to heal, and also help people to deepen that connection. 

I’m also excited to mention that I was approved for a scholarship (thank you universe) for an accessible yoga training, with Jivana Heyman and an amazing collective, which starts January 25th. It’s a 6 week online program that has serendipitously come to me at the perfect time as I navigate yoga and movement in a new way in my own body. This important work is where I’ll be focusing alot of my attention through to March. I’m excited to see where this takes me.

Thanks for sharing my thoughts,

With so much love

Amber

Introducing my new monthly memberships – these give you instant access with various different tiers to virtual classes, an ever expanding video library, as well as some special bonuses throughout the year. Let me know if you have any questions! 

Membership rates include HST

I continue to teach online, and I also practice online, this got me through this past year during my cancer journey, when I couldn’t walk and couldn’t drive. Having the option of practicing online (thank you Lisa and Anne) both with live classes and recordings, was the only way that yoga was accessible for me. It has deepened my healing process in ways I can’t articulate.

As I slowly reemerge and hold intentional space once again for folks – I sit with creative ways in which I can best do that. 

All monthly memberships automatically renew every 30 days, with the option to cancel at any time.  Let me know if you have any questions or would like to find out more!

Stay tuned for my seasonal newsletter coming soon!